Home » '16 torturous years': Nige fled to Australia without his wife. Now he fears he won't see her again

'16 torturous years': Nige fled to Australia without his wife. Now he fears he won't see her again

written by Top Stories Source
Nigethan 'Nige' Sithirasegaram loves cooking as a way to connect with his Tamil culture. The spicy dishes from home also remind him of his wife, Thusa, who he has not seen since 2009.
"It is 16 years, almost 16 years I left my wife in Sri Lanka," said Sithirasegaram, 49.
"Every day is torture and so painful. Sometimes I struggle and feel a sense of panic.

"I want my family with me because that is our culture, family is our whole life. I don't want any other people, just I want my wife with me."

A woman in a purple checked dress stands with her hand holding her arm.

Sithirasegaram's wife Thusa is waiting in Sri Lanka for a visa to Australia. Source: Supplied / Nigethan Sithirasegaram

Sithirasegaram has a permanent protection visa in Australia and has applied to bring Thusa on a spouse visa.
But with immigration a , both sides of politics forecast a fall in net migration next financial year.
The predicted the net overseas migration would drop by 120,000 to 260,000 in 2025-26.

The Coalition has pledged to cut net overseas migration by 100,000 places if elected.

 

A proposed increase in Australia’s humanitarian intake has also stalled.
"The Albanese government had promised to lift the humanitarian intake to 27,000 places per year, but it has remained at 20,000," said Jana Favero, the deputy CEO of the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre.
"There are record levels of forced displacement worldwide at the moment and Australia can and should do more.

"We feel the humanitarian intake should actually be 50,000 annually, which would be more reflective of what Australia can offer," she said.

'Life is really hard and dangerous'

The uncertainty is crushing for asylum seeker Sithirasegaram, who worries about his wife's safety in Sri Lanka.
"For a single woman in the east of Sri Lanka, life is really hard and dangerous. So, this situation is breaking my heart," he said.
"We talk every day, but this is a very hard time for us. My wife asks me constantly 'when will I go to Australia?'."

"She is very worried and is losing hope. It is very painful for us."

A man in a striped apron stands at a bench preparing food.

Nigethan Sithirasegaram works as a chef in Melbourne and runs cooking classes. Source: SBS / Scott Cardwell

Sithirasegaram fled Sri Lanka in 2009 at the end of the civil war — leaving behind Thusa and their young son, Ruksi — and fears he can never return to his homeland.
As a Tamil born in Sri Lanka’s east, he grew up surrounded by conflict.
The civil war between 1983 and 2009 was an intermittent insurgency, with fighting government forces to create an independent Tamil state in the country's north-east.
By 2009, the United Nations estimates that more than 100,000 people had died.
"My whole life was war, bombing and disaster," Sithirasegaram said.
"As a Tamil, I am always under suspicion, and I faced a constant threat of kidnapping.
"Living in Trincomalee, in Sri Lanka's east, I saw lots of civilians kidnapped and many dead bodies on the street.

"That's why I had to escape from Sri Lanka without my wife and son."

A soldier in green uniform among burnt-out vehicles outside. There is another soldier in a green uniform in the background

Sri Lankan troops inside the war zone in 2009. Credit: AAP

A harrowing journey to Australia

Sithirasegaram initially flew to Singapore and then Malaysia. What followed was a harrowing 46-day boat journey to Australia.
"Soon after we started the journey the fuel ran out. The boat was a very old wooden boat and so small, then we were stuck on the sea during a big storm," he said.
"We survived that and finally reached Indonesia and were able to get onto another boat.
"But again, we faced wild storms and rough seas. That was a very, very, very, very critical situation.
"Many people were seasick and some people became dangerously ill."
An Australian border patrol finally intercepted the boat and passengers were taken to Christmas Island.
Sithirasegaram spent the next six years in various Australian detention centres.
"Life there was very hard because we could not leave and also I lived in a tiny room with a bunk bed," he said.
"For six years, I really struggled mentally and physically to survive in detention. I suffered badly because it was such a long time.

"Only my family gave me hope when I was in detention, saying that one day I would be released, and I had to stay strong."

Two men stand inside a cafe, one holds his arm around the other.

Nigethan Sithirasegaram (left) with Now and Not Yet cafe owner Derek Bradshaw. Source: SBS / Scott Cardwell

Finally, in 2014 while being held at the Melbourne immigration detention centre in Broadmeadows, Sithirasegaram met a Melbourne business owner and their connection would become life-changing.
Derek Bradshaw had just opened his Now and Not Yet café in Melbourne's Warrandyte.
"We had a house out the back of our cafe that we decided to use to support people coming out of detention," Bradshaw said.
"Nige was the first to live there and he went on to cook at the café. Soon after, we started doing Tamil feasts."
A decade later the pair remain good friends and in 2023 Bradshaw obtained a student visa for Sithirasegaram ’s teenage son, Ruksi.
Being reunited with his dad was a day the 18-year-old will never forget.

"Touching him, hugging him, it was so crazy all the feelings I had about my dad. Seeing him there in front of my eyes and I can still feel it, knowing ‘this is my dad.’"

Two men sit on a sofa, one wearng a grey shirt and the other a navy blue shirt.

Nigethan Sithirasegaram is glad to be reunited with his teenage son, Ruksi. Source: SBS / Scott Cardwell

It was a great moment for Bradshaw, too.
"It makes me feel emotional as a father of four kids, I cannot imagine the trauma and the grief Nige has gone through," he said.
"When we picked up Ruksi from the airport, he looked at me and said: 'this is the best day of my life'."
"I don't know how he managed to hold onto his hope and sanity through such a long period of being separated from his wife and son.

"And to see Nige reunited with his son after 14 years, if that's the only thing that this organisation ever achieves, I will take that all day long. Yeah, it was just incredible."

An anxious wait

Sithirasegaram and son Ruksi now live in North Warrandyte rent-free, thanks to the generosity of local couple Reg Ellery and Olive Aumann.
"Our children had left home and we had a space downstairs in our house. And we both just said to each other, why would we not offer up our space to an asylum seeker?" Aumann said.
Ellery said: "Nige has lived with us now since 2016. He is part of our family and a wonderful, wonderful man. His son Ruksi is also a wonderful young fellow."
The challenge for Bradshaw now is to reunite the Sithirasegaram family by bringing Thusa to Australia.
"If she does not get a visa, there is the possibility that Nige and Thusa will never see each other again," Bradshaw said.

"And I cannot get my head around that. I find that is just a completely unacceptable scenario."

A woman in a gold dress stands next to a man in a grey shirt, and another man in a suit jacket.

Locals Olive Aumann (left) and Reg Ellery (right) have offered Sithirasegaram a place to stay. Source: SBS / Scott Cardwell

While they wait, Bradshaw and Sithirasegaram host regular Tamil feasts to raise awareness of issues affecting asylum seekers.
"When you hear their stories, you understand the atrocities that they are escaping. Many are fleeing civil war and genocide and if we were in those situations, we would absolutely run and escape as well," Bradshaw said.

"So, I am proud that this café has become a community space where when people walk through the doors, they feel that they can relax and connect with others."

For his part, Sithirasegaram is proud to teach people how to make iconic dishes from his homeland.

 

"I teach them lamb curry which is traditional. Everyone likes my food and I am proud to share it with friends and the Warrandyte community," he said.
Sithirasegaram is now also working in aged care while he waits and hopes for his wife’s spouse visa to be granted.
"This process takes a very long time. I don't know why but my opinion is that [authorities] are not looking at humanity, they are only looking at the paperwork," he said.
"So, I do not know how much longer I will have to wait.

"And every day is painful, in this situation. So, I have to believe that eventually, my wife and I will be reunited in Australia."

For the latest from SBS News, and 
Visit the to access articles, podcasts and videos from SBS News, NITV and our teams covering more than 60 languages.
What’s your Reaction?
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
written by Top Stories Source

Leave a Comment

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.


To prove you're a person (not a spam script), type the security word shown in the picture.
You can enter the Tamil word or English word but not both
Anti-Spam Image